silence is poison

by allyssia alleyne

Am I the only one who remembers Recess? I’m sure you must. It was a cute Family Channel cartoon that documented the adventures of six schoolyard chums as they survived the hectic fourth grade. The show really made going to school seem like the most enjoyable experience in the world.

An episode that I remember well is the one in which a new student, Gerald, transfers to the school and proves to be better than all of the students at, well, everything. Out of anger and jealously, the students choose to punish Gerald in the worst way that they can think of: a school-wide lockout.

When I first saw this episode back in the carefree days of my youth, I didn’t think anything of it. I mean, ignoring someone as punishment? What’s the big deal? But then again, what did I know? I also thought that the Spice Girls were the epitome of musical genius and that a turtleneck covered in cows was a chic closet staple.

Now that I’m older, it’s clear that what the kids on Recess were doing was but an extreme version of the silent treatment which is, in my opinion, one of the most brutal forms of punishment because, when it comes down to it, the silent treatment is but a form of social rejection, something that people in general seem to fear above all else.

For those of you who haven’t seen this episode of Recess or are lucky enough to have never experienced the silent treatment, allow me to provide a layman definition. To give someone the silent treatment is to exclude an individual, hereby known as the victim, from all conversations and isolate them from group activities. Done correctly, the victim will be overwhelmed by a sense of isolation and feel as though the parties instituting the silent treatment are completely oblivious to their existence. In most circles, this is considered a form of bullying and, according to studies, females are just naturally better at it than their male counterparts, as with other forms of non-physical bullying.

But why is this form of punishment so feared? Well, it all comes down to human nature in the end. Since humans are by definition social animals, should it not stand to reason that they would fear and wish to avoid group isolation? For further evidence, look at the hierarchy of needs proposed by Abraham Maslow, the well-reputed American psychologist. His theories rank the instinctive need for belongingness among the highest in terms of human motivations. Other theorists suggest that the need for belongingness serves more of a purpose than merely motivating us: it defines who we are. They suggest that we look to those around us to help us develop our self-concept, our identity. This means that if we do not have a group to belong to, we, in essence, can lose our sense of who we are. Forms of social rejection such as the silent treatment have also been linked to loneliness, reduced self-esteem, aggression, and depression. Also, victims are likely to develop a heightened fear of rejection and do whatever possible to avoid it in the future.

According to Anjana Rao, an Applewood Heights Secondary School student who admits to having experienced and dolled it out before, the silent treatment isn ’t always a bad thing.

“Even though the silent treatment is really harsh, I think it’s also a way to avoid a person who you are clashing with. This way you could avoid a fight upfront instead of creating a physical confrontation. ”

And Rao doesn’t seem to be the only one of this opinion. Of the people who I surveyed about the issue of the silent treatment, many said that it was a good way to allow both parties to cool off if there was a past conflict or if parties wish to avoid an altercation. But everyone agreed that it can be extremely hard to deal with, especially when one doesn’t know what one has done to earn such a chastisement.

But, in my experiences, the silent treatment doesn’t always need to mean the end of the world.

My advice to anyone suffering through the silent treatment is to be patient and find someone else to talk to. I’m sure that there are tons of nice people who would be willing to take in a fallen star. And if you’re the one giving the silent treatment, think of what effect you’re having on your victim. Follow the Golden Rule: treat people the way that you want to be treated.

In the event of a mutual silent treatment, please, take all the time you need to cool off, but eventually you must grow up and realize that neither of you will be able to move on until you sort out your issues.

Luckily, the kids on Recess recognized the error of their ways, and accepted Gerald into their circle of friends. It proved to be a wise move. He helped Spinelli with her arm wrestling, gave Gus self-esteem, and even helped Tubby, that chubby little kindergartener, with his burps.

Now how’s that for a happy ending?